As I sit here contemplating yet another weekend alone with the kids and without my man, I can’t help but think to myself, “wouldn’t it be easier if I were one of those divorced moms who only had her kids every other weekend?”. If only I had that obligatory Wednesday night off when every father must take his kids to dinner and, if he’s so inclined, have his kid sleep over. Wouldn’t it be great to wake up on Thursday morning with no responsibilities? No carpool, no making breakfast for people, for which I will never get to eat. No refereeing the morning arguments about who gets to sit in the front seat or who is taking too long in the bathroom. No rushing out the door without any time to reflect or meditate. Nope, just wake up with me, my coffee and a daily meditation. Wouldn’t that be dreamy!
This is however not my life. I always tell my single girlfriends that I envy their “ free” weekend. They just laugh at me but I know the truth. Yep…. I know that they are lying in bed with their Chunky Monkey ice cream on Friday night while swiping through Tinder. I know they’re sleeping in until 9AM on Saturday morning, watching Bravo. Those bitches! How dare they. But no, not me. I made another choice. A choice I take total responsibility for but somehow I feel a quiet, almost unspeakable dissatisfaction in it’s outcome. I chose to marry an entertainer, or like many of us women say, “a man who travels”. It can be corporate or sales, or even a truck driver, it really is all the same because at the end of the day the common denominator is they’re just not home! Now, don’t get me wrong there are many benefits to this life choice too. It’s just that when it comes to parenting we’re pretty much left on our own. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have love and beautiful material things. It means that we are doing 75% of the parenting. Shit, some of the women I know are doing 99% of the parenting and their husbands are at work in Century City! Not even out of the state. I don’t know about you, but when I was sold the dream about having kids I was sold a different dream. A dream of 50/50 of never losing myself in another man’s life. A dream where my self-identity was always intact and I could be, do, and have it all. Well now I know the truth that the men have it all, and as Maria Shriver once said, “You can do it all, you just can’t do it all at one time.” I may be paraphrasing but it was something like that. I remembered that statement because it gave me hope that in this lifetime all things are possible there are just seasons for everything. So when referring to our lives as balanced women and wanting it all, to be a wonderful mother and be present. To have a flourishing professional life and to be a loving wife and friend. Just remember, these are all great things to aspire to, but they will come at different phases in your life. They cannot all happen simultaneously, or else something or someone is being sacrificed.
Just be open to the possibilities. You never know what your blessing may come disguised as…
A homely, scandalous maid could just turn your world upside down and lead you to that next chapter. Look what it did for Maria.