Kristen Bellamy

The Swear Jar


I remember when we were young and my glamorous Nana would be dressed to the nines, cooking dinner for everyone with a cocktail in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Back then we would never ever talk back or question authority. If my nana said a curse word we would not even blink an eye. Which brings me to present day with my own children. The amount of attention that goes into my every action and word is unbearable. It’s like I have a surveillance camera on my ass 24 hours a day 7 days a week. My children are always commenting on my conversations that they are privy to. When I was growing up we were to be seen not heard. If we were around to hear any adult gossip, debate or discussion, we would try and blend into our surroundings so we wouldn’t get kicked out of the room. Nowadays, these kids will interrupt my personal conversation, a powwow that has absolutely nothing to do with them, and charge me for swearing. Yes, you heard me. My 8 year old son has started a swear jar and harasses me about paying him a dollar for every naughty word I say.

This all started back in December over our family vacation. The problem is, my husband hates it when I swear and has egged my son on to a level of intolerable scrutiny, and so I pay. With much resentment I had to fork over forty dollars after Winter Break. This has now become a source of income for my children. Which leads me to my next question. When did the inmates start running the yard? Who’s boss – me or my kids? After a marriage, giving birth to two kids and a mortgage, haven’t I earned the right to eat in bed and swear on the phone with my girlfriends when describing our ridiculous day? Are the “do as I say not as I do” days a thing of the past? Or should I take away their verbal freedom and curse those little mother fuckers out?!!! As tempting as that sounds I think I’ll just lock myself in the bathroom with a glass of wine and a bubble bath. Always remembering that children are purely our own souls reflecting back to us who and what we are. The beauty and the beast.

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